did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Randomize
