Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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