I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize