dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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