Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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