Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
