dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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