You don't have asthma, your pregnant
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
