Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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