So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
