The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
