Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
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