i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize