I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
