I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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