Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
