ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
