I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
