my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
