I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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