All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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