Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
