We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
