I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize