why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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