Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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