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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
