Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize