I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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