i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
