i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Blood and glitter go together right?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize