Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
