talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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