My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
