haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
