Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
