never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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