y did u give ur computer a hand job?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
