my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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