Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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