Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
