i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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