So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
