Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
