overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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