wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Randomize
