Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize