I need to stop coming to work sober
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
