My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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