Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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