I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
bring money and cleavage
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
