Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
