i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You need a sexual gate keeper
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
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