I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
