Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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