Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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