she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
