the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize