im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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