I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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