no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
