$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
