How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
