Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
not ubering you a puppy
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
