5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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