Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Randomize
