you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
