i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
