my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
