If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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