Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
