Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
