are you so shy because you have an std?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
