She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize