I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
